Какво по-точно е коучингът?

Коучингът може да се сравни с работата на скулптор. Добрият коуч е способен да помогне на клиента си в извайването на негативните нагласи, в оформянето на по-продуктивни и ползотворни решения за личния си живот. Много от неравностите по скулптурата биват усъвършенствани с няколко ловки движения на майстора скулптор. Но, нека не сравняваме един жив човек със скулптура, нали?

Докато всяко движение на майстора скулптор по неговото произведение може да се види веднага, напредъкът по време на коучинг процесът зависи както от коуча, така и от клиента и често изисква време и усилия. Затова на първо място, коучингът е взаимен процес, базиран на връзка между двама събеседници с обща цел и направление – подобряване на живота на клиента, който е активен участник в случващото се.

Но все пак с какво се характеризира коучингът? Терминът произлиза от света на спорта - на английски "coaching" - процесът , а "coach" - човекът, предлагащ коучинг. Затова и наименованието остава запазено и до днес без буквален превод, а думи като консултант или съветник не се използват за да опишат този вид услуга. Добре, нека започнем от там, че коучингът не е психотерапия и не е обучение, въпреки че има допирни точки и с двете. Изключваме първото, защото коучът е спътник в процеса, а не експерт както психотерапевта, експертната роля е поверена на клиента, който е и отговорен за резултата от коучинга. Много важно разграничение е и че коучингът не се занимава така подробно с миналото както психотерапията, а си поставя за цел работата към едно по-добро в най-общ план бъдеще.

По отношение на приликите с обученията: клиентът неминуемо научава нови факти, техники и начини за справяне, които да използва след това. Но целта при коучинга е да се развият подходящите качества, да се разгърнат талантите и способностите, които всеки човек носи в себе си и които много често остават скрити, заради ограничаващи вярвания, идентификация с чужди ценности или просто липса на самочувствие.

За всичко това коучингът върши чудеса! Той разгръща силните ни страни, прави продуктивните действия, насочени към плана ни за действие по-устойчиви, справя се с предубеждения, ограничаващи нагласи и ни вдъхва кураж и увереност. Като резултат, връзките ни с хората около нас се подобряват значително, изграждаме устойчива представа за личните ни възможности и се доближаваме до нашите цели и мечти!

Александрина Василева, личен и лайф коуч 

За повече информация и въпроси може да се свържете с мен на моята фейсбук страница: https://www.facebook.com/Personal.Coach.Vasileva/ 

Или на моя Instagram профил: https://www.instagram.com/personal.coach.alex/ 

Personal growth or entertainment?

The entertainment industry is struggling. It is struggling with the competition for your time and for your attention. Numerous new entertaining platforms are becoming more and more popular, social media does not seem to get old. Yeah, because user engagement generates money. With your clicks and likes, impressions and follows, you are constantly helping others grow their net worth. Who is going to help you grow yours?

I came across a video on YouTube about 15 important choices a person will have to make in life -> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TuYepO8pqwo

The second choice on Alux's list was "Would you rather spend your time growing or be entertained?"
A quote from the video captured today's society very well: "Celebrities and athletes are seen as people of importance and value. Because they have money, people worship them for their success. Life is built by builders, by scientists, by doctors, by farmers...never in your life will you need a TV star, a football player or any other form of media personality for anything that is of actual value."

So why is it that we keep aspiring to these social media influencers, movie celebrities, football players as if they actually have so much value to deserve their paychecks? Well, we do enjoy looking up to somebody who has accomplished more than us. But we have to realize that their main function and role is to entertain us, to make us forget our lives for a while and to concentrate on what they have to present, to make us feel real life emotions - devotion to the favorite football team, respect and love for the favorite insta star, to buy products from their brands etc. I am not saying this is something bad, you just have to get that this whole entertainment is stealing your most valuable resource - TIME.

What could you be doing instead of watching a football game or the latest movie, or just binge watching Netflix or YouTube? You can devote your time to personal growth for example. You can educate yourself, read books on how to better manage your time, how to improve personal skills and how to maximize your potential. You can reach out to new people, proactively seek new opportunities, brainstorm for business ideas and much more. In reality everyone wants to be successful, good looking, rich or famous but only few want to take actions and make time to acquire the necessary skills.

So this is just a friendly reminder to optimize your time and to make sure you are not spending most of the time being entertained and then questioning yourself why is it that you can't have the same results, same paychecks, same qualities, same social circle etc. like someone else. Because let's be honest, everyone is doing a reality check once in a while with comparisons to others. Increase your value and expect to see things change. Or as Warren Buffet says "First you learn, then you earn".

Well, guess what - YOU ARE ENTIRELY UP TO YOU!

-Alex

25 Lessons in 25 Years

A month ago I celebrated my 25th birthday, yay! I was considering writing a blog post about the so called life lessons for a while and today I've finally sat down to do it. The main motivation for this is probably to reflect on many past lessons I've learned along the way. Why share it? Well, I have read such posts before and I found them interesting. Although there are some points that are personal, it seems to me that most of the lessons people learn in life are kind of universal - we all experience love, disappointment, sadness, joy, we care about each other, we dream, we cry, we laugh.

So here are my 25 lessons, summarizing what I've learned for 25 years on this planet.

1. Enjoy the little things 
It is awesome to have big plans and dreams, even more awesome to accomplish them. But if you are not able to appreciate the little things along the way, like a cup of coffee, a hug with a loved one, a good laugh or a face mask for instance, I think life becomes somehow dull and colorless. 

2. Be present, be in this moment
In my opinion, life is meant to be lived in the present moment. Our brains are processing machines that analyse and solve problems, sometimes even fictional ones. Just give yourself a break and turn off the stream of thoughts for a while and concentrate on living now and breathe. This blog has helped me a lot to achieve this: https://zenhabits.net/more/

3. Take care of your body
I am not sure that needs to be explained but still. Your body is the only place you will be living in, for as long as you are alive. Nourish it, cherish it, love it, take care of it, you simply can't get another one, so be careful what you put inside of it and how you treat it on the outside (excessive sun exposure, make-up etc.) and on the inside (food, drinks, cigarettes, emotions etc.)

4. Animals can awaken your better self
I am so grateful my parents chose to surprise me with a cat for my birthday when I was in 2nd grade. We named him Chris and he became a member of our family. This year we had to let him go because he was suffering. Although I have never experienced such great loss and that I will forever miss him, he was pure love. Because of him I stopped eating meat, because of him I recognized animals as living beings, who deserve our respect and care, because of him, I was able to find a (sometimes) hidden part of any human being - selfless devotion and empathy.

5. Things happen when the time is right
I am impulsive by nature and a very important life lesson was (and still is) to stop rushing things - achieving goals like graduating uni, exercising regularly etc. Of course we live in a fast developing world, in social media we always have the chance to compare our lives with the lives of our friends. But everyone has to learn and experience different things along the way, so there is no point to feel unaccomplished when your goals are taking a bit more time.

6. Don't be too hard on yourself
There is always going to be a person who has more money, who lives a better life, who travels more etc. Everyone is on a different stage at one particular moment and you should not punish yourself with negative thoughts anytime you realize the life you are living is not exactly the way you imagined it would be. Instead, find and develop your inner strength and rise up.

7. You are your best motivator 
Or at least in my case I am my best motivator. I guess I am one of those people who can be better motivated from my inner voice and my desires, instead of some outside source. Yes, I sometimes watch motivational videos, read motivational quotes, but I have come to the conclusion that whenever I choose to put my mind into something, I just do it. I don't sit and wait to get inspiration from anyone else and I am so grateful my mind works like this.

8. Learn something new every single day
On my desk I used to have a post-it not with the question "Did you learn something new today?" and whenever I have spent my whole day without learning something new, I started reading about an interesting topic I'm into. Curiosity is what drives the humankind ahead, stay curious about this world and about this unique experience we call life.

9. Live abroad for a while
I studied and lived in Germany from the end of 2013 until June 2019, so almost 6 years. For that time I learned a new language from scratch, met a lot of new people, had my first self-earned money, reevaluated my priorities in life and changed as a person. It is not a cliche that living in a foreign country expands your horizon. I am sure that I would not be the same person without this experience, so even though I chose to move back to Bulgaria, I do not regret spending my early twenties abroad. It was invaluable. 

10. Never give up on your dreams
I get it, when our dreams don't come true it is unsettling and disappointing. But dreams require devotion and time. I personally have not given up on my dream of studying Psychology. The thing is I was admitted to study Psychology in several unis in the UK. I decided to go live with my parents in Germany, there I didn't receive a place in Psychology. Long story short I completed my Bachelor's degree in Educational Studies (btw such an interdisciplinary field) and now I'll hope to do my Master's degree in Child's psychology. So everything is up to you, a dream is never old enough if you really want it and have the courage to pursue it.

11. Appreciate your family
Your family is going to be beside you when most people aren't. They are going to support you, lift you up, give you valuable advice and care for you like no one else. So give your family some credit, your parents raised you to be the person you are, for better or worse you can neither choose nor change what family you are born into. But it is your parent's blood that runs in your veins. Appreciate their effort, dedication and the sacrifices they made so that you can grow to be a good person.

12. You can't control everything, so don't try to
I learned that except for my thoughts, my words and my actions, nothing is really up to me. But this is more than enough, because with these three components you are creating your reality. For example you can't control other people's opinion of you, only the impressions you make. It was liberating for me when I stopped trying to control things that were uncontrollable in the first place.

13. Master self-discipline 
I tried and thought of things that can be achieved without self discipline and I couldn't think of anything. Literally each bigger goal in life requires self-discipline - getting in shape, eating healthy, a promotion at work  or writing a blog post (obviously, haha), even starting a family. Basically for anything that involves getting things done you need self-discipline, so work on yours.

14. Be thankful for what you have
We always want to have more and forget what we have in the meantime. We have vital organs that keep us alive every single day, we have friends and loved ones to share this life with, we have food to eat, a place to sleep, Internet to connect with those we care about, but are not near us. Honestly, we already have enough.

15. Create pleasant rituals and enjoy them
Even simple things like putting a fresh mask on your face or taking a shower before you go to bed can be considered rituals. Whatever makes you feel good and relaxed. Because these days stress can be inevitable sometimes, but we should try creating rituals to help us unwind after a long day.

16. Start reading books
It was the summer before the last year of high school that I discovered my love for books. I found out that the novels we had to read for school were lying around at home, so I picked one and started reading. This is not to say I did not go out at that time, simply that I found out another hobby that I enjoyed. Ever since then, I try to read on daily basis. Sometimes I am in the mood for fiction, other times I like autobiographies or self-help books or any other kind of non-fictional literature. Reading does not only promote imagination, it releases stress, calms you down and nevertheless enriches your vocabulary and gives you topics to talk about with others.

17. Visit a new place each year
For those of us who are keen travelers, of course the recommendation is to visit as many new or already favorite places as we can. But at least one new place a year is a must for me and this year it was Italy ❤️. It was love at first sight and I am definitely going back there! Anyway, travelling somehow recharges you and allows you to catch a glimpse of how people are living in a foreign country, which at least I found very interesting. So travel, explore and get inspired! 

18. Don't buy things because they are trendy
The thing with trends is that they come and go very fast. Which is why I stopped conforming to the latest trends a long time ago. For example I got my iPhone 6 as a Christmas present back in 2014. It is still working, it has almost the same functionality as the newest one, it serves its purpose good enough, why would I be buying the new one? And don't even get me started on clothes or make-up! There are so many trends each moment, that is is impossible to keep track of everything, let alone to buy each new product. Who cares if your bag is two years old, if your jacket is from 2015, if your don't have the latest nail polish or haircut? Well, personally I don't.

19. Let go of the past
Whatever your past was, good or bad, it is gone. Life's only direction is forward and you should not be wasting your valuable time obsessing about something that happened a long time ago and thinking about scenarios how your present life would have been affected, if you have only done something else or have said something differently. Keep your head up, learn from past mistakes and move on. 

20. Love your decisions
Don't let anyone control your decisions, because you are doing to live with the consequences of them. It is that simple. Take as many advises as you wish but the final decision should be yours. You do not have to justify yourself, how and who you prefer to spend your time with, what career you choose to pursue, where you choose to live, how do you look. It is your daily decisions that contribute to the quality of your life. Love each one of them.

21. Forgive easily 
Holding a grudge against someone, being easily disappointed or letting each insult or funny look get to you is not healthy. I thought that by acting insulted, the other person will understand how he or she made me feel. I wanted them to apologize and promise me that they won't hurt me again. I do not mean to let others treat you like shit but to choose your battles wisely. Truth is, you are not punishing anyone but yourself. The sooner you forgive and forget, the better you will feel.

22. Keep track of your finances
When I was 18 years old I lived alone for a year. My aunt advised me to make a monthly budged with my income and expenses to see how much money I needed for a month. Back then I thought this was a tiring and boring task, but as I grew older I started keeping a financial diary and it has been so helpful. I make a couple of columns for different expenses like going out, food, clothes etc. and another for what comes into my pocket each month. I tell you, it is such a good habit. It gives you an overview of how much you actually spend, not how much you think you have spend, because numbers never lie.

23. Learn to cook
It may not be something sophisticated at first. A simple soup or a favorite salad. In my case the first things I learned how to prepare were I think chicken steak with potatoes and an omelette with veggies. Cooking is at least for me a relaxing activity and most importantly, you can control the ingredients you feed yourself with. I eat out a lot recently, but I realized that by doing so I do not know what exactly I am putting inside my body. Last but not least, if you can, always choose whole and fresh food over (highly) processed food, but you know this, right?

24. If you worry about something, keep your mind busy
With something else of course. There is even a kind of therapy to keep you busy with the purpose of decreasing stress and anxiety levels - occupational therapy. So basically, it is a fact that the human mind can't think of two things at the same time, you can sometimes switch between thoughts fast (hello, multitasking) but ultimately, the mind concentrates on one thought each moment. If something worries you, go distract that brain of yours with a book, a movie, a task you have to do etc. 

25. Look life through child's eyes
Children tend to explore the world with excitement but we, grown ups, sometimes forget that once we used to be new in this world too. From time to time, think of what it was like when you were a child. How exciting the unknown can be, how dangerous and risky things turn out to be the greatest adventures. Communicate with children if you have the opportunity and let their innocence and sparkle awaken your inner child. And yes, don't take anything too seriously, we are here for a while, let's have fun!

Get out of your head

Stop for a while and just do not think from your own perspective. Because everything that you are thinking, whether you like it or not, is somehow shaped by your subjective (connected with personal opinion) experience, memories, the books you've read, the conversations you've had (especially with yourself). But probably first and foremost the feelings you have felt and the way you interpreted them.

When you get out of your head, you start appreciating your surroundings, paying attention to sounds, voices, people that you probably haven't noticed for a while. Suddenly you are not the most important person in the world, even though your mind always tricks you into believing that (you know, the desire to survive and stuff). You are "just" a human being with unique traits, nothing more, nothing less.

Okay, why should you get out of your head in the first place, when it is perhaps the only place where you are in the center of the universe? Why would anyone want to leave such a nice place, such a comfort zone. Well, because sometimes it is a dangerous place to be. From a personal perspective, staying too long in my own company disconnects me from my surroundings and the people in it.

And not in a good way like in meditation when you disconnect so you can relax, recharge and be back in a couple of minutes. Here I am talking about those times when you feel the so called "bad" emotions such as frustration, anger, helplessness or even fear. In my opinion these come when I spend too much time (over)thinking and (over)analyzing. Because sure, my mind wants to protect me and these are some common though exaggerated methods to do so.

Getting out of your head means awareness. Awareness that your inner voice is not the only one and for sure not the one that is always right! The possibility that your own thoughts are found in someone else's mind is pretty high. So whenever you feel like your thoughts or your emotions are taking control of you, take a step back and observe it objectively. As hard as this seems to be, it helps changing the perspective and moving towards inner peace.

And some last word, I promise. What about this inner peace? Is it our natural state? Are the other people to blame when I can not balance it? Of course not. Think about it - there is a Nobel Peace Price for extraordinary achievements for contributions to the world peace. Well, I guess if someone has to do something to assure a state of peace, it is not a natural state (it's not like gravity - you may like it or not but it is there). So this means that you have to do something for your inner peace.

Here’s what to do next:

• Deliberately set aside your own perspective for a moment. 
• Intentionally walk a mile in someone else’s shoes. 
• Put yourself in the position of the person you are talking to. 
• Show empathy, show interest in others.
• Leave the comfort zone of your own head to emerge in a world even bigger than the space between your ears — the outside world with all its colors and vibes! 

-A.

Chia Pudding

Last night I decided to prepare a healthy breakfast for myself for the next morning. It turned out to be a lot more delicious than expected and this recipe certainly deserves attention. It is so easy to make, I swear, you just need:

5 tablespoons of chia seeds (rich in Omega 3 fats, fibers and proteins!)

1 cup of almond milk

1 teaspoon vanilla sugar

1 teaspoon honey

Mix all the ingredients and just make sure that the chia seeds have been well mixed with the almond (or any other) milk, so they can be fully absorbed overnight. Leave in the fridge and enjoy an amazing breakfast!

Here is the end result: 

I thought it might be even tastier with some fruits, so I put some berries (defrosted) on top of it. Et voila! 

That's all for this post, more abundance vibes are coming soon!

                                                                                                             -A.

Let your inner child have fun

Today I felt like painting with water colors but my first thought was something like "You are not a child anymore, why don't you do adult stuff, something productive etc.?". It's good that I chose not to listen to this first thought, because finding time for and allowing your inner child to get creative from time to time is a nice way of clearing some head space.

So I began looking up "easy things to paint" because I do not feel like I have special talents in this area. I started small by drawing the lines of a flower and a ladybug I saw online. When I liked the result I started filling it with watercolors. In the meantime I made myself a 3 in 1 coffee for a little energy boost.

The creative process took place on my bedroom floor

See, I was not aiming for perfection, I was just letting my thoughts run free while listening to a podcast on YouTube. I noticed it is a suitable way of relaxation for me because I've tried meditation but I can't seem to stay still and concentrate on my breathing for a long time with getting the beneficial effects this practice promises. While I've not given up on meditation completely and wish to practice in the future, I might have found a thing that calms me down :). Concentrating myself on the details allowed me to escape my own thoughts for a little bit and I think that people these days generally need more moments like this, because they (of course including myself) are so devoted and obsessed with their own thoughts and inner dialogue. What's more, the conscious does not seem to get enough rest in this information age we live in, because we are bombarded with information sources coming from everywhere.

I guess my point is just that we should free up some time for enjoyable activities, even if our logical reasoning tried to convince us it is a waste of time at first. No, I did not lose an hour of my time, I got an hour of relaxation and pleasure. The final result does not matter, but this is what it was. I found it cute, though very simple and non-professional - this was not the point.

See you next time with some new random thoughts. Take care :)

-A.

On doing it now

Everything you do now is for your future. We know that but sometimes we fall into thinking that the best thing to do in the present moment is to enjoy ourselves now. Which is also true. So how is it possible to both enjoy now and be disciplined enough to be able to work on projects that will benefit your future? If you have an idea, please share it with me.

Currently I am struggling with finding motivation for studying. I know it is important because it is the final step I need to take, so what is the problem? I really, really do not want to do it. So after spending hours of watching videos on motivating yourself to do something you do not want to, I noticed one thing. Although some of them were helpful, nothing beats action.

You could spend whole days and weeks just avoiding the thoughts of just starting whatever it is that you want to achieve. This blog was also a thing I wanted to be serious with, I always liked writing, just the process of getting ideas out of your head and then getting free mind space. But finding perfect excuses seemed to be stronger. Today I just woke up and thought about what am I putting off and writing blog posts, besides studying, was an obvious thing.

That is why I sat down and started doing it. And I can assure you it feels good. It is not accomplishing a task just with one big chunk, but about starting, taking the first step now, as soon as your mind gives birth to the idea of action (see Plato's philosophy and his theory of forms and ideas).
Before letting your own thoughts get in the way and distract you or persuade you that you could do something else instead. Of course you could do, but you have the choice to freely choose what it is, do not let this beautiful mind of yours (with the help of old and established habits) dictate what you do.

I think it is really that simple. Just do it now, without much thinking, because ideas will only stay ideas if you do not choose to turn them into actions. Another personal example is working out. I started taking little actions every day - I set a timer on my iPhone for 5 min. and started doing exercises. Of course this will not get me in shape fast, but it is a small step into what I think is the right direction. So before I have time to say to myself "maybe later", "I don't feel like it" or "I will do it tomorrow" I just take action. It feels great! Now I just have to transfer these steps into the action of studying.

On the one hand I am probably stating the obvious for some people, but on the other I believe that this would help somebody, which will make me really happy :)